El Sur

That little furball in Gobbler’s Knobb didn’t see his shadow, so spring must be on its way ...

BH and I have picked up the pace, rehearsing in my cluttered classroom most days after school and on the weekends, with his Nashville audition for AMDA coming in less than a month. It’s enough to make your heart shake, to see this young kid pacing in front of the chalkboard, brow furrowed in concentration, on a Sunday afternoon, just off of work and still wearing his McDonald’s uniform, grease-stained but ironed with care as if he was clocking in somewhere on Wall Street; shouting with the clenched-fist rage of a repressed South African during Apartheid or two-stepping and cracking jokes with a sideways glance. We’ve chosen a monologue from Athol Fugard’s Statements and the other from the hilarious collection of David Ives’ one-acts. He’s good, and learns incredibly quickly, but I don’t know if he’s good enough. His essays could have used a lot more work, and he’s going to need a lot of financial aid. I’ve heard too many stories of Delta students getting accepted into some good schools - Ole Miss, Mississippi State or even Xavier, Cornell, MIT - but enrolling instead at local community colleges for fear of failure, their own or their parents’, financial and familial commitments that hold back far more than urge forward; or, perhaps worse, students making that leap, only to come back home shortly after with their tails tucked between their legs, wading back into those shallow, familiar waters where they feel more comfortable and safe. I hope he gets it, probably even more than he does.


See, I’d stay as late as BH needed me to, because I feel like I’m making a difference and that we, together, are accomplishing something … working towards an attainable, albeit ambitious, goal. So then, why is it so hard to drag myself into the classroom every day, when I honestly feel that I do enjoy teaching and love every one of those little fockers (no pun intended … well, maybe) - the roses, the thorns and even the weeds. Perhaps it’s because I’m not allowed to really teach. I’m taught instead (told, rather) to train; to not ask questions, to not doubt authority but rather to humbly fear and blindly follow it, to follow and not to lead, that appearance and end results are everything without attention to independent motivation or critical reason. In essence, to program ‘my kids’ in a way I am not only fundamentally opposed to, but feel is directly crippling any realistic chance they may have of personal/social progress.

Herded this way and that like sheep by inattentive shepherds, these sacrificial lambs are becoming Orwell’s incarnate ignorant masses. I, for one, am not a huge fan of our present situation, and am growing increasingly cynical toward the prospect of our collective future. Educators and parents (at what point did educators start replacing parents?) must focus on and emphasize more positive, empowering and liberating messages for the youth we interact with each day over these negative, controlling messages they are getting instead. The purpose of education should be to help students develop independent capacities for creative and critical thinking. It seems that in our public schools and other educational environments these ideas are at-best paid lip service, and at-worst ignored in a high-stakes testing arena which places the upmost value on forcing stagnant curriculum content into the brains of learners so they can score well on bastardized, I’m sorry, standardized tests.

Throw 'em in the trash, they're not even worth composting!

“Of all the calamities to which the condition of mortality exposes mankind, the loss of reason appears, to those who have the least spark of humanity, by far the most dreadful, and they behold that last stage of human wretchedness with deeper commiseration than any other.” - Adam Smith

Politics, that hulking elephant in the classroom, has sat its mammoth ego on top of our most valuable resource; our children. If it doesn't make dollars, it doesn't make sense. But dollars don't always make a damn difference. If I were to raise a family in the Delta, the question would not be public or private, it would be whether or not to send them to school at all. I’m constantly bewildered at the choices made “in their best interest”. Let’s get rid of extracurricular activities – well, everything except football and basketball. I mean, we're taking away their school we've got to give them something. Art, music, health … what good will any of those do them?? Be careful with history. There are no facts in our libraries (and there are hardly any adequate libraries), only opinions; for instance, that this nation’s own (recent?) history is imperialist and morally corrupt. Absolutely no worthwhile experiments in the labs, if you’re school is lucky enough to have one, because of the liability lawsuits can bring, and absolutely no dissecting Piglet … animal rights, of course. Nevermind the rows of pig-appendages decorating the aisles of every market south of the Mason-Dixon. Let India and China continue their heathen, communist practices; our doctor’s will at least be good democratic christians and not push the envelope enough to make the simple folk raise an eyebrow towards tradition. While you’re at it, just go ahead and cut the number of subjects a child can take to the state exam requirements … we must teach them to work, and that work is not fun. Let them be inspired on Sundays. Let’s beat the curiosity and problem solving out of them with a wooden paddle, dead lessons, worksheets and multiple-choice assessments. Band-aids don’t heal infected sores.

Where is their freedom they were promised? What about the skills necessary to equip oneself in order to be able to a) make the world a better place and b) help your fellow human beings – including your own children (for some sooner than others)? If it was just about putting food on the table, everyone would be flocking to Cuba or Venezuela and not Ellis Island. Any child who endures twelve years of ‘state education’ without gaining a decent level of literacy, math fluency, verbal fluency and a basic general knowledge of the world they’ve inherited (all of which I’ve found rare among my sixteen year-olds) should have a legitimate case in law against their school district, their State Dept. of Education and the U.S. Dept. of Education. It’s malignant child abuse to neglect their basic needs to such an extent.

Am I helping? Not really. I get frustrated, angry, and depressed (in cycles). I get by. I get overwhelmed. I withdraw from the commitment I’ve made to them, and try to embrace more selfish desires. But it’s hard to look away from a train wreck, especially once you’ve gotten to know and care for the passengers. All day long, over and over, I can forgive my kids. I can’t forgive the adults … and I’m having a hard time forgiving myself.

I'm going to make a milkshake.