Lassos & Tasers

Been a busy month, and a quick one. The first few weeks was a flurry of state test preparation; instructors trying to cram every last bit of knowledge into the brains of our kids before offering them up to a higher power. I hated administering the test more than I hated preparing for it. It seems such a damned waste, to spend so much time drilling and training our children rather then helping them really have a valuable and valued education. Pass the test, pass the test, pass the test. My students, for the most part, cannot comprehend what they read. They can read, but they don’t understand. This is true for so many aspects of their education; they can do, but there is no deeper cognizance of what they are doing or why they are doing it.

While not testing, we festered in the loud, hot and musty gymnasium for the rest of the day. I don’t even want to attempt to estimate the amount of time wasted in the gym throughout the course of this school year, educational time most of these kids can’t afford to waste. At one point, we spent a whole afternoon in the dry spring heat practicing a welcoming outside in the school’s front parking lot for the “pioneers of integration” in Indianola, who were to come the following morning. I might have been one of the few people there glad I was getting a tan, and I couldn’t help but wonder at the irony of celebrating the anniversary of integration at a public school that is nearly 100% segregated; no longer legal, but definitely social. The only white I saw in the sea of students was their white uniforms and the few interspersed TFA or MTC instructors probably all wondering at the same things. Is this what those pioneers expected years ago when they first walked into the front doors, in those moments before all the scared white students walked out the back doors to start their own schools or moved to other communities that are more homogenous? Recently I had one of the best conversations of the year in one class. We talked about fear being the opposite of love, and the greatest impediment towards social progress. I didn’t let them answer without thinking, asking why, why, why until they got frustrated with me … but also got to the heart of the matter. People don’t just hate, they fear. And the only way to overcome that fear, is to love. Or something like that. Before the bell rang, one girl raised her hand and asked innocently, “Mr. Doyle, why ain’t white people in Mississippi as cool as you is?”

I told her I’m not cool; I’m a teacher.

Post-test has been a struggle, too. I’ve lost another 2-3 kids per class who have essentially stopped coming to school. I started the year with over 30 students in all but one of my classes. These days, my classes usually have fewer than 15. That’s half that have dropped out, or are consistently absent or skipping (and naturally, failing; the passive drop-outs). The students that are present, “aren’t fi’n to do no work anymore”. They do end up working, but I spend at least 5-10 minutes at the beginning every period lecturing and getting them on task. I had, for the most part, succeeded in getting my classes focused in the past couple of months. I’m trying out a short journalism unit in one class, with the end result a class generated newspaper (our school does not have one). Articles are to be written outside of class. I hate to have low expectations, but I don’t think I’ll get more than a couple turned in.

Off to New Orleans for the weekend to groove to Damian Marley, John Mayer, John Legend, the Allman Bros. and others at Jazzfest. Just a couple of weeks left of school. Life goes by too damn quickly. I’m not ready to say goodbye to these kids, but I sure am looking forward to this summer, and all that goes after.